This is the brave story of three vigilantes against five corrupted monstars.
The three vigilantes were named Tienshinhan09, Trollactus Destroyer Of Wikis, and The Pedophile in Kotsu's Closet. For a long time ago, they were tired of the corrupted tyrant's rule. So they decided to overthrow them. The five tyrants were named Dark Seeker Kotsu, Goku777, 10X Kamehameha, SSJ4 Vegito, and CoolCat123450.
So one day they decided to go to a tavern. Upon entering, they were greeted by Spartans.
"Hello fine sirs," the first Spartan said.
But Trollactus had AA Syndrome. What's that? Admiral Ackbar Syndrome.
"IT'S A TRAP!" Trollactus shouted. In a flash, he pulled out his full-auto RPG and blew everyone in the tavern apart.
"Run!" Tien shouted as he dived out the window.
And so they were wanted by the local anti-vigilantes, Russian Mob, and Kotsu's/Goku's/10X's/SSJ4's/CoolCat's minions.
The first night they set up camp in the mountains. Pedophile agreed to take the first shift of staying up to guard the camp.
"Now what was that..." Pedophile said, glancing around. Something had snapped a tree over. Then another tree snapped. And another.
He pulled out his semi-auto brick launcher and walked to the edge of the camp, waiting to see what was there.
"All your base are belong to us!" came the war cry of fifty anti-vigilantes. Pedophile ran back to the camp to warn Tien and Trollactus, firing off six bricks before the firing pin broke.
"Trap! Trap!" he shouted. In a flash, Tien and Trollactus were out of the tent, Trollactus with his full-auto RPG and Tien with his matter-disassembling rifle. They ran up the side of the mountain towards the peak, knowing they could take an entrenched-position during the assault and later as sniper-positions for mop-up...assuming the top of a bare mountain had something to hide in or behind.
"Say," Tien said. "Isn't that Quackulon?" They looked down at the growing-closer mob and spotted Quackulon The Duck Tyrant leading the charge.
"DIE READ COATS!" Trollactus shouted, firing a barrage of ten missiles at the front of the charge. He happily saw Quack was with the ones that went down. The fun was short-lived as Pedophile tripped over a tire.
"Help me!" he hollered.
"Save yourself!" Tien and Trollactus shouted back. In an instant, he was consumed by the mob.
"That's a shame," Trollactus said to Tien over the roar of the mob. "He's going to go through their 'Nine-thousand military-issue tazors punishment' every day."
As they reached the top of the mountain, they saw...a building?
"Now that's funny," Tien said. "What's that doing up here?" They knocked open the unlocked doors, quickly shutting them and locking them. Inside, they realized where they were - a place called Yuzura's Loan Sharking Enterprise. In seconds they heard the sound the mob pounding the door, wanting in.
"To the roof," Trollactus said. "This Yuzura isn't here, and we can take up a vantage point from the rooftop."
"Agrees." Tien replied. They ran up the staircase, to the attic, and through a door leading to the roof. As they crept to the edge, they saw the mob pounding the doors with three logs in battering-ram fashion. Tien and Trollactus used their RPG and matter-disassembling to fire upon the now scattering mob. A few lucky ones managed to get down the mountainside.
"So," Trollactus said. "Now we are here, what do we do? We certainly cannot leave here, more will be on their way. They probably are relaying commands to surround the main mountain passes as we speak."
"Indeed," Tien mused. "I say we scout this place out. There must be a ton of money here. If there are any weapons or ammo, we may be able to fortify ourselves and hang-out for a while." So they went back inside, opening drawers in desks and rummaging through book cases.
Tien was browsing through the documents in Yuzura's office when Trollactus called for him. Coming down the steps, he saw what it was.
"I found a hidden door in the floor! Hurr hurr hurr, I rhyme." Trollactus said to him.
"Basement?" Tien asked, his curiosity wandering.
"No, I think it's some sort of dungeon. Lets go see." Trollactus said back. "But beware of traps," he said as he walked down the steps into the room. As they entered, they were awe-struck.
Skeletons littered the floor, chained to walls. Instruments of insidious torture lined the shelves which where attached to the walls.
"Wow. You better get your loans paid off quickly when you come to this guy," Trollactus joked.
At the end of the room they noticed a chest full of gems and treasures.
"Wow!" Tien said. "Look at that! If we get out of here with that, we'll be rich forever!"
"IT'S A TRAP!" Trollactus shouted as he dove to the floor. He aimed his RPG forward and fired a missile straight for the chest - it connected dead center, spraying shards of crystal and molten metal everywhere.
"Trollactus!" Tien hollered. "There's no traps down here!"
"Yes," Trollactus replied. "Now there isn't."
Giving up, Tien threw his hands in the air and walked back upstairs, out of the uninteresting room. He went to a closet, digging through more boxes. He though about all that happened while he looked. It was around afternoon when they fled their camp, and now it was getting dark outside.
Pedophile in Kotsu's Closet covered his ears, desperately trying to block out the music. This was the twenty-second—or was it twenty-third?—time they had played Never Gonna Give You Up. As the music ended and he expected it to restart, it actually stopped. The door to his cell opened, and an anti-vigilante stepped in.
He hauled Pedophile down the hall to another room, which had another anti-vigilante in it. The desk this anti-vigilante sat at read 'Chris Hansen'.
Trollactus came back in with another sturdy branch. As Tien closed the doors, Trollactus pushed the branch - along with several others - through the door handles, jamming the door. They propped some logs against the door, using furniture to hold them in place.
"Whew," Tien breathed. "That should hold them out for a bit."
"What about food?" Trollactus asked. "I haven't ate since we set out to go to that tavern..."
"Yeah, me too. How about that storeroom? Did you check that out yet?"
"Nope. Let's go see what's there." Trollactus said as he ran for the room. No sooner had they entered the room than they discovered boxes of the room's only contents - bread and yams. And diet coffee.
"Well...it's something." Tien said with obvious disappointment. "It's the best we can do for now."
"IT'S A TRAP!" Trollactus shouted. However, before he could raise his RPG, Tien tackled him, wrestling the weapon away from him.
"Don't...touch...the...YAMS!" Trollactus said with blood-shot eyes. "It's a...trap!"
"No," Tien said. "We need them. Trust me."
"If those yams kill me, your going with me." Trollactus said.
After calming Trollactus down, Tien cut up some yams, putting them in a conveniently-discovered pot from another room. They had settled that they would make yam soup, with the diet coffee to cook them in. After discovering one of two fireplaces, they started a fire, using some excess wood they decided wasn't necessary to the door blockade.
Trollactus suddenly got a funny look on his face. "Was that coffee?" he asked.
"Yes," Tien replied. "Why?"
"I just remembered I'm allergic to coffee."
Trollactus fell over.
Some half-hour or so later, Trollactus was still out. Tien had frequently hit him with a rock, trying to wake him up. Suddenly someone knocked at the door.
He grabbed his rifle and ran to the door, looking through the small hole to see who was there. It was a small boy, only about twelve.
"Who is it?" Tien asked, trying to figure out if this was a trap.
"My name is CertainlyNot1218," the boy said. "My village was stormed by Shenrons and destroyed. I saw smoke, and seek shelter."
Tien gave a few moments thought, then deemed the boy trustworthy. He pulled the blockade away, letting the boy in after a few minutes of work.
Part 2 - Plans
Trollactus finally awakened after Tien remembered he had an Awakening Potion, which he sprayed on Trollactus. After talking with CertainlyNot, they discovered a horrible truth: the Tyrant's had devised creatures called Shenrons, which were what destroyed CertainlyNot's village. If they were to overthrow the Tyrants, they would need an army.
But how, when they were on a mountain surrounded by the Tyrants' army? CertainlyNot shared some important information: he used to work for Yuzura, and told of a secret passage dug beneath the whole mountain, connecting the building Yuzura's Lone Sharking Enterprise and a nearby village. After discovering the entrance to the tunnel (
hidden under a mountain of Play Boy magazines).
After crawling through the tunnel all night, they reached the village of Go Away We Don't Like You. It was still dawn, and the first rays of sun were only just appearing.
"I say we go to the fish market," Tien said. "Jeremy Wade always does that on River Monsters and finds everything he needs in minutes."
"Hmmm. Agreed." Trollactus replied.
They picked a stall at random and walked up to an elderly man with heaps of catfish. Trollactus spoke up first:
"Hi, my name is—"
"POLICE! POLICE! THIS MAN HARASSES ME!!" The old man screamed.
In moments, an armed guard appeared at the section of the market they were at.
"OUTSIDERS!" The cop exclaimed.
Thinking quickly, CertainlyNot grabbed a large catfish and smacked the officer over the head with it, knocking him out. With a problem at hand, they all ran away. Soon they reached a hotel.
"Maybe we can stop here and ask around." CertainlyNot suggested after spotting an Inn. They did, and upon entering, found a lady who claimed to be the only nice one in the village. This matched up with what they had seen, as every villager they passed while walking either tried to trip or pick-pocket them.
"Do you know where we can meet some trolls?" Trollactus asked.
"Yes, in the town hall. Every night at 3:00 A.M." she said.
Later that night, at three in the morning, they enter the hall and saw... trolls. A lot of trolls. Green trolls, wielding clubs and wearing armor. Dismayed, they left.
Later that day, they put out "Wanted - Internet Trolls" posters, and set out to recruit allies.
Part 3 - Trolls
NOTE: Each troll links to their IRL-counterpart's profile page at Dragon Ball Wiki. Click it to see it.
It wasn't long before they had a fair-sized group, and counting. They did a role-call, and checked their list:
- Trollactus Destroyer of Wikis
- Bob from accounting
- Troll Prince Joffrey
* *Not sure if troll
GUESS WUT: New section has been added, featuring real-life trolls galore! Check it out!